


Where've You Been?

by ChElFi



Series: I Don't Dance [5]
Category: Captain America (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: 30 Day OTP Challenge, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Captain Hill - Freeform, Captain Hill Established, Day 5, Established Relationship, F/M, First Kiss, Flowers, I Don't Even Know, I Made Myself Cry, Kissing, Language of Flowers, Last Kiss, Major character death - Freeform, POV Male Character, Single POV, Sorry Not Sorry, Steve's Pov, What Have I Done, What Was I Thinking?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-05
Updated: 2014-09-05
Packaged: 2018-02-16 05:47:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,911
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2258079
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChElFi/pseuds/ChElFi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Steve's thoughts on his relationship with Maria through the years.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Where've You Been?

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Not for the Faint of Heart](https://archiveofourown.org/works/1707632) by [ChElFi](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChElFi/pseuds/ChElFi). 



> A/N: All I have to say is, sometimes I make myself cry.
> 
> The title is from a song by Kathy Matea that I have been listening too since I was, well, younger. I chose it because, like this story, it still makes me cry to this day.
> 
> And now, in the immortal words of everyone's favorite romance novelist, Joan Wilder, "Read it and weep. I always do."
> 
> (PS If you don't know who Joan Wilder is, I'm probably old enough to be your mother. ;D)

In the doorway of her apartment, his heart pounding so hard he's certain it will crack his rib cage, the pulsing rush of blood so strong he can hear it, he leans down and gently brushes his lips against hers. It's just a taste, a sample of what he wants to give her, the love he feels; new, now, but stronger than any other he's felt. It's backed with the experience of wasted moments and fatal hesitations. He won't make that mistake this time. Maria will know from the beginning how Steve feels about her.

* * *

On a hospital bed in Milan, the world can walk in at any moment, but, despite his best intentions, Steve's waited too long as it is, waited until it was almost too late. She leans down to kiss him, a whispered reply before her lips press against his, and he brushes his thumb against the new diamond on her finger as he takes Maria's hand in his.

* * *

In a small chapel in Brooklyn, the minister pronounces them husband and wife and Steve feels as if his heart will explode from the joy he feels. There were so many days he thought this one would never come. So many nights after waking from the ice when he thought he would always be alone, that he would never find another soul in this time who could understand.

He looks at Maria and is surprised by her public display of emotion. Her eyes are moist but there is a smile on her face, as though her thoughts are the same as his: awestruck at the realization that she has finally found someone, that this is all very real. He leans in to kiss her, taste her briefly, as their friends cheer this one moment that not long ago neither had thought they'd experience.

* * *

Behind closed doors in Maria's SHIELD apartment, the kisses are passionate, desperate. The pain he saw in her eyes, the hurt he knows he caused, he has to make it go away, has to show her how sorry he is. Even if he's not the man he was, even if things are irrevocably changed for him, their love cannot change. He cannot let her think that she is less than what he needs.

The taste of their tears intermingle on his lips, his heart aches at the sounds of her cries, not of pleasure, but hurt at his words, at his rejection. In all his life he can't remember acting so selfishly and to have acted so against her is unforgivable. But he has to make her forgive him, has to show her that he knows he is wrong, that he needs her more than anything, that she is more important to him than even his own life. And he will do whatever it takes.

* * *

On a balcony at Avenger's Tower, Steve and Maria take a break from his birthday celebration to watch the Independence Day fireworks in the distance. The night is warm and humid, but Steve has no desire to extricate himself from his wife's arms. Her head rests against his chest as he runs his fingers through her hair. He is never more content, more at peace, than in these moments with her.

After a while he has the strange sensation of someone tapping irregularly at his lower abdomen. He pulls away to look at her, a question in his eyes. She only smiles and nods, and Steve quickly falls to his knees and places his hands on Maria's rounded belly. He feels the kick against his hand and looks up at his wife in awe. She reaches down to touch his face and he leans into her hand, pressing his lips to her palm. Slowly, the kicks die down, then stop, and Steve presses his lips to Maria's belly and whispers.

"Sleep well."

* * *

In the hospital room it is quiet but for the beeping of the heart monitor. The lights are dimmed, Maria lies on the bed. He is certain he's never seen her so still. Even when he watches her sleep, she is always moving, always in motion. He tries without success to ignore the wires and the tubes. They are a mirror of each other right now, mother and child, and Steve fights back the fear that threatens to break him.

He moves to stand next to her, taking her left hand in his, feeling the cool metal of her rings, the rings he gave her. The unspoken promise he'd made with them weighs on him now. A promise that he'd never cause her pain, never cause her to suffer. But no terrorist or intergalactic army or evil mutant seeking world domination has put her in this hospital bed, barely clinging to life. It was Steve who did this, with his romanticism, his idea that they could somehow have the one thing neither thought they ever could.

That one thing he wanted so much he risked Maria's life for is in a small plastic incubator, three floors up. And Steve now stands to lose the only things he's ever cared for.

As the tears begin to fall from his eyes, he presses his lips gently to hers and whispers the news when he pulls only centimeters away.

"It's a girl."

* * *

In their small kitchen, Steve finally allows a smile to creep to his face as understanding slowly dawns on Maria's.

"Steve?" she asks, hesitantly, as she stares at her wedding set on the chain he'd pulled from around his neck.

He nods slowly.

"My Steve?" she clarifies, looking back at his face.

He nods again and laughs his first laugh in months as Maria throws herself into his arms. They cling to each other and only pull away in order to press their lips together. It is nothing, at first, mere confirmation that they are together again. But it quickly becomes greedy and relays the fears each has had for the past two months, fears that they would never see each other again, never truly know what had happened to the other.

As their kisses become more heated, Steve lifts his wife to carry her to their bedroom. She wraps her legs around him and grabs at his back as if she could somehow pull herself even closer to him.

They don't make it to the bedroom until the fourth time. The kitchen table, the landing at the turn of the staircase, and the wall in the upstairs hallway were all convenient enough, but as he holds her and softly kisses her now in their bed, Steve finally relaxes. Their kisses become gentle, both finally satisfied that this is real.

"I missed you so much," he tells her, caressing her lips with his.

She smiles at him and he pulls her into his arms and drifts into the sleep he can only get when they are together like this, in each other's arms.

* * *

In a cathedral in New York City, Steve beams with pride at the beautiful woman in white walking toward him. He's fully aware of his good fortune to be here today, with her, waiting for their cue. She hands her flowers to the wedding coordinator and takes both his hands in hers.

"Daddy," she whispers through her happy tears as she places a kiss on his cheek.

He smiles down at her as she pulls away. He can't seem to stop smiling today. He hasn't been this happy since a similar moment thirty years ago.

"I'm so proud of you, baby girl," he says as he leans down to kiss her forehead.

Later, at the reception to celebrate the new Mr. and Mrs. Gregory Barton, Steve gazes like a love-sick puppy, as Darcy so aptly put it, at his own wife. Just like thirty years ago, he can't take his eyes off her at this wedding. Finally she shakes her head at him and leans over to kiss him gently, but he quickly puts his hand at the nape of her neck to keep her there and returns a kiss full of the same promises he made on their own day.

* * *

In the elevator, Steve holds a vase full of blue asters in one hand, in his other, his daughter's own hand. He looks at himself in the reflective metal doors. At 145, he doesn't look a day over 50. The doctor thinks he might live at least another 60 years. He curses himself internally and sets his mouth in a grimace. His daughter squeezes his hand in encouragement and the only reason he doesn't grouse to her the way he does to Bucky is because she has a similar weight on her shoulders.

They step out of the elevator and turn down the hall. It's a pleasant enough place, the color hues soft and relaxing, the smells more home-like than facility-like. As they arrive at the room, the nurse comes out.

"Oh, Captain Rogers, Mrs. Barton, it's good to see you both this morning," she smiles, and Steve adds that to his list of things to complain about when he sees Barnes again.

She holds the door for them to go in and Steve squares his shoulders as if he is going into battle.

Maria looks up at them as they enter, her frail smile making Steve's heart feel too big for his chest just as it did on their wedding day. Her hair is grey and her once smooth face is wrinkled now, but he can't help but think that she is even more beautiful today. And he tries to not consider how few days are left for him to look at her like this.

He places the flowers on the table next to her as their daughter moves yesterday's to the shelf along the window. The orange blossoms join the yellow tulips, the red roses, and the hibiscus*.

Maria gazes at the asters and smiles.

"You brought me asters for our first date," her voice is barely a whisper.

She looks up at him with pale blue eyes and Steve swallows down the emotion, forces himself to be strong for her, the way she always has been for him.

"You read to me, too," she reminds him, and he nods. "Jules Verne."

He sits in the chair at her left side and takes her hand in his. The metal of her rings is strong, piercing his mind with the contrast to her weakened body.

"Read it to me, again," she says, and he tries to imagine when her voice was strong and commanding.

Their daughter hands him her device with the book already on the screen then settles into the chair on the other side of the bed and takes her mother's other hand in hers. Steve doesn't drop Maria's hand as he reads the words, so he notices as it grows still and cold. He glances over to his daughter across the bed and she tilts her head and gives him a sad, tight smile.

He looks back at his wife and she seems as if she is only sleeping, but her cold hand is like the cold in his heart, that same cold he felt when he woke from the ice, and he realizes now she alone has kept it at bay all these years. He stands, unsteadily, and leans over to place a soft kiss on her lips.

_*orange blossoms=loveliness; yellow tulips=hopeless love; red rose=love; hibiscus=delicate beauty_

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: If you are in tears, my work here is done. :)


End file.
